Who in the world ever gave you the idea that sex is supposed to be good?
My idea of Sex is, and has for a long time been, that Sex is exactly as imperfect as the parties involved. Of course, you'd have to decide what that meant for you.
Anyway, I am in Ecstasy constantly now, I'm not sure why, perhaps because the end of High School is approaching. Oh, before that happens, I'm going on the trip to France.
There is a God. I know that now. I'm not sure how I know that, and my idea of God does not conform to anyone else's, so don't get the idea that I've been converted to some religion. I have for a very long time disliked "religions", but really all that I disliked about them was that some tend to -push- their ideas upon others. I've come to the conclusion that Religion in it's self is simply itself, and that it's the people who make religion what they make it that create wrong and right.
I don't believe in good and evil either, but somehow I do believe in wrong and right. What is the distinction? I do not know.
I know that there is a God because if there isn't a God, then there is a God. If there is a God, then there is a God.
Perhaps nothing is God. Perhaps everything is God. Perhaps they both are.
I don't think that there can be one God.
Like the universe, or imagination, or darkness, since God exists, God must be infinite just as people are infinite, just as rock is infinite. I don't know what I will or can do with my newfound knowledge.
Writing about it helps me. Biology helps me. I have Mr. Reiglesberger to thank for it, in part. He showed me what I once was. I was soul-less, almost. I believed in Science and Evolution, that there is nothing more than more.
Science and Evolution are God to many now. For me, they are proof that God is God. Perhaps it's because I was so distant from my parents or my siblings or some such. I do not know.
I use the word God too much.
I have begun to expand my horizons. I thought that I was well read, I thought that I was literate, but I was wrong. I was reading Fantasy, Science Fiction, but little reality.
I have started reading reality now. I think that one cannot live purely upon fiction. Even though fiction isn't really fiction. Sometimes Fantasy and Science Fiction are reality as well; the authors can make them reality. Other times, however, they are only Fantasy. One is more likely to get reality from other Genres.
I'm a changed person, sometimes. It is a good change because all change is good. It means that I'm still alive. I can't wait for death, I can't wait for the rest of my life. I can wait, it's just that I am exhilarated by the waiting.
Did I use to live in the past? Was that my sickness? Once again, I do not know.
I got into a 'fight' recently. Not a physical fight, but almost. It gave me ecstasy as well. I knew that I was alive. I always do now.
Writing keeps me alive.
Love,
Me.